Starbucks is an asshole magnet

After dropping my son off at preschool without any parking lot incidents (I know, it's amazing) I was jonesing for a Starbucks breve latte in the cool fall weather, so I decided to treat myself.  An important facet of this tale is the fact that "my" Starbucks has the most f'ed up parking lot in the history of drive thru service.  There are 3 access points, making knowing who's next in line impossible if there are more than 8 cars, and this is the suburbs, so there are often more than 8 cars in line.  It also creates a racing scenario, since people can see you heading for one access point, and will race you from another access point to beat you to the drive thru line.  This is what happened to me today.

Mr. Gnome, because seriously the man belongs on someone's front yard in a pointy hat, raced to beat me in his kickass Ford Focus wagon.  Hot!  Rather than admit defeat, I just parked and walked in.  But the race is not over, of course, because I must rub his nose in it when I still beat him.  It was a risky proposition since I have a baby to get in & out of a carseat, and I wanted a breve instead of my regular dark roast, so the barista was in play.

So Mr. Gnome got a sheepish look on his face when he saw me lugging a kiddo into Starbucks.  Why?  I chose to haul my ass out of the house to retrieve overpriced coffee with a kiddo in tow.  All's fair in love, war and the coffee drive thru - no?  So when I of course beat him, even with the barista & car seat issues, I gave him a courtesy wave on the way by the line, where the poor sap was still waiting.  And then he flipped me off.  Chivalry is dead, and Starbucks is an asshole magnet.

More lovely mockery...

Flat Andrew has been passed on, and the mockery continues.  Yet another that won’t be sent on to the children’s pastor for her slideshow… Thank you, my friends, for keeping me humble & reminding me what a dork I really am. 

BTW, her caption said “at least someone is having satisfying sex.”  You can tell we’re all married women, can’t you?

Is mockery also a sincere form of flattery?

Gotta love my friends. Having "enjoyed" my griping about parking at my son's preschool, my son's Godmother took the Flat Andrew we sent her and used it against me, in a very funny way. Flat Andrew came from Sunday school, and is supposed to travel to as many people as possible, and those people are supposed to take pictures of him in their town and then eventually return him to our church by mail by the end of next month. She did dutifully do the assignment, but she also did this...

If you  have not ever gone to "The Best Site in the Universe" http://www.thebestpageintheuniverse.net/c.cgi?u=irule2 and read this guy's reviews of children's art, you won't appreciate my husband's response when I sent this to him.  He simply said, "ding, ding" as in "ding, ding, here comes the shitmobile" on this guy's site.  You really should check out his commentary, and if you don't nearly pee yourself you may need to get checked.  The point being neither of us thinks our son has a future in graphic design or anything remotely artistic.  Even from this distance you can see the obvious care and attention to detail the little guy put into poor ol' Flat Andrew.  He's basically just a blue scribble, and yet the kid cried when I mailed him away.  Perhaps he knew my friends would use Andrew to mock me.